Yes, the struggle for a dining room light solution continues, nearly 10 months after I first hit my head on The Monstrosity of a Chandelier when the realtor showed us this house. To recap, The Monstrosity is ugly, heavy, and completely out of scale with the dining room and the house as a whole.

I knew that if I just kept searching eBay, Craigslist, antiques and thrifts that one day the Perfect Light would appear to me with a mystical revelation-type effect. Indeed, a number of fine contenders have come and gone, with price usually being the sticking point.
Now to be honest, I wasn’t totally thrilled with the idea of purchasing an actual vintage fixture. My fears over burning my house down far outweigh my obsession with retro-style. So I knew that if I purchased anything manufactured before I was born, there would be significant time and effort required to make the piece safe for use. I’ve heard “Oh, it’s cheap and easy to do” but i’ve never done it nor have I priced anything out in that regard, so nyah. I felt that this totally justified my “I’m not gonna pay a lot for this muffler” attitude about the price of vintage lights.

The only “new” fixture that won my heart was Jonathan Adler’s Parker Pendant. Not being hip by any stretch of the imagination, I had no idea who Jonathan Adler was until I saw this light; now i’m a member of his fairly large and trendy fan club. While I couldn’t pull the trigger on the pendant, I did purchase the sconce on eBay at a decent discount just before Christmas.

What is probably readily apparent to you was not at all apparent to me when I placed the impulse bid: a sconce light really didn’t solve my overhead light issues in any way. I was just so excited to see anything from the Parker series and I figured I’d find SOMEWHERE to put it. Nevermind that we don’t have any sconces currently in the house, so this is going to be a “call an electrician job,” thereby negating any discount I received on the light and then some. Oy.
So that brings us to now, with the Monstrosity silently mocking me and still knocking me in the head, and a nice but useless Jonathan Adler sconce in a box. Certain facts have only recently registered in my brain, facts that have forced me to completely restart the search for an overhead light (yes, Jim is about as thrilled as you can imagine.)
Fact 1: I was looking for a chandelier/large pendant just because there was one there to start with. I really did love the amount of light that The Monstrosity puts out with it’s gajillion different bulbs, and I didn’t want to lose that. I’d focused my search on midmod, teak 3-5 light chandeliers because I thought it was a good compromise between form and function. My revelation today is that three and even four light flush mount fixtures really do exist and would put out just as much light.
Fact 2: Nothing dangly is going to work in that space. We put the table under The Monstrosity to reduce injury, and while we fudged it a bit it wasn’t possible to actually center the table under it. It’s not the fault of the table but rather the location of the fixture – centering ANY table under it would seriously block access to the kitchen. Now, I’ve been doing a lot more measuring in that room as the need for a china cabinet grows and an actual purchase gets closer to reality (gasp!) The addition of a china cabinet would require moving the table completely out from under the fixture – can’t even fudge it – to where Jim and I would bump our heads on anything other than a flush-mount.
So now that THAT detailed explanation is out of the way…the requirements for the new flush mount fixture are:
1. silver-toned metal, preferably brushed nickle (just in case I should actually try to get that JA sconce installed.)
2. Three lights or more would be ideal, though I might settle for two lights if I fell in love with the fixture.
3. Shape is optional, though if all other things were equal square win out over round.
4. Nothing shaped like a boob:

So what does that leave us with? Not much after a trip to Lowe’s and Home Depot. It was off to the internet for intensive research! Here’s a whirlwind tour of some awesome and not so awesome flush-mount fixtures:
Yes, there is a flush Parker fixture, but it’s pretty much the same price as the pendant so that does me no good.

Ugh…this one reminds me of the the T1000…would be doubly bad if your name was John or Sara Connor.
Technically a “semiflush.” I lurrrve this one, but it only comes in a color called “silvergold.” Look, either it’s one or the other, folks.
There’s always room for sputnik.
I love love love this guy, and it’s on sale…for $750. Yikes!

This got an insta-veto from Jim.
I have been drawn to many lights with geometric patterns on them…this one is spectacular.

a basic fixture can be dolled up with one of several gorgeous vintage glass shades available on eBay. Jadite would be especially appropriate for us…and it’s got all the charm of a vintage piece with no fears of electrical fires!
So the research continues. I’m doing my damnest not to end up with some boring hardware store light, but i’m just so tired of thinking about it. And anything will be better than that ugly chandelier!